Thursday, October 21, 2010

Tit for t(h)at, anyone?


Alright now, like most of the 6 blogs before, this one too was a result of the Fucking-bored-out-of-my-hairy-ass syndrome that i’m suffering with ever since I took up engineering. Same reasons-not being allowed to practice guitar at night, no loud music, no ma-behen yelling and stuff, you know.

So I turned to Chat Roulette.

For those of you unaware, it is a “social networking” site that randomly picks up strangers from any part of the world and lets them have an online conversation.A very noble and interesting idea indeed.You open the web page, your web cam gets automatically detected, same case with the other person, and then you two end up video chatting. Until it all goes to hell (leaving you contemplating if indeed your parents would have been better off watching Doordarshan the night they decided to manufacture your worthless little existence).Anyway, I will get to that later.


Before I go any further, let me enlighten you a little about the porn-viewing part of my life until now. It began when I was 14, courtesy-the explicit and (usually) half-open (cause of the BSNL dial-up connection which was slower than Rahul Dravid’s scoring rate) pictures of Aishwarya Rai’s face super-imposed on some Mexican chick’s body. This kind of stuff, mind you, also helped in expanding my vocabulary by making me aware that words like pussy didn’t always mean a cat and cock isn’t just a poultry animal. Also, back then I didn’t know these pictures were as fake as MTV reality shows and Bipasha Basu’s twin jugs. Gradually, by Nokia’s grace, we got blessed with cellphones comprising of the Blue film Bluetooth technology. No prizes for guessing; enter DPS MMS scandal and phonerotica.com. Quickly, I(along with 25 million other urban teenagers)had graduated from porno comics sold on bus stands to Broadband, Japanese Hentai stuff(clearly having come far from the days I was addicted to Japanese Dragon Ball Z ) and the recent HD Porn(23$ a month membership? Woop! Get yourself a North-Eastern whore instead!) till I finally had enough of it because I began finding porn too mechanical and monotonous.

So, coming back to the main part(which will also make clear the motive behind the above-written paragraph)having explored so much of internet smut, I never thought there was anything hideous or deviant enough a human body could still do over the Internet to embarrass me anymore. Anyway so there I was beginning to get bored of chatting with some random American guy who wanted to know if anyone in my family was a snake-charmer and if all Indians take a shit the way shown in Slumdog Millionaire so I “next-ed” him without as much as a goodbye. Another guy appeared on the screen and asked me to take off my t shirt and I(hardly in the mood to exhibit my non-existent 0-pack abs on the Internet and)still unclear if I felt more complimented than offended by what the guy said)calmly moved on. This was the warning sign I ignored.

And then Armageddon happened.

The next motion picture on half of my screen was a zoomed-in view of an African guy’s you-know-what, pointing proudly in the air with its head(pun intended) held high, like the Qutub Minar during twilight, and he never told me he was African, I didn’t have to ask either. The colour and size sealed the deal, that didn’t need any ISO or ISI or FBI certification. I began wondering, what were the odds that of all the Playboy centrefolds and Penthouse pets on the Internet I had to land up (metaphorically, of course) on a horny black dude playing with his 11 inch long cruiser missile?


Which brings me to the conclusion that Chat roulette is man’s answer to all the female eroticism on the Internet(now I know why Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie are addicted to this site, total suckers for dicks did we say?). But Ashton Kutcher? Dude you have Demi Moore’s sweet ass uploading raunchy pictures of herself on Twitter right by your side every day and you respond to that by watching guys jack off on the Internet? How ungrateful!  

So I quickly ended up the visual distress since I was in no mood to experience the bursting of Niagra Falls(which i’m sure was about to happen soon). Still a little out of senses, I decided to browse a little more to see what else the site could throw at me. Came across guys holding please show me your boobs cards, fake web cam links, potential paedophiles, over cautious guys wearing monkey-caps (one actually looked like a moving dildo with eyes and ears), dick enlargement ads, people smoking weed yada yada...But everything seemed to pale in comparison to the Agni 3 missile show I had witnessed.


So all I can say is that Chatroulette is nothing but a relentless attack by dicks on your common and visual senses, just like Facebook(you know what I mean) and i’m keeping distance from it forever (highly recommended though, if you’re that guy who dreams of humping everything that walks and are used to cumm-ing every time  you log on to the internet).As far as i’m concern, i’m done with it.

P.S.~ The 3 hot blonde girls that consecutively disconnected me(one was kind of generous, she did take time off to call me a fucking Paki) before I could as much as land in a quick “hi” didn’t make me feel much like reconsidering the decision either.

12 comments:

  1. Being a young Indian girl whose parents are eager to get their 'not a single daag on charitr' girl married off soon, i refrain from chatroulette. besides i can't take the trouble of showing my finger to everyone who asks for boobs. i tried the chat version not so long ago and ended up reprimanding a 13 year old from UK to go do his homework. such is life, sigh

    well written piece. i pity you for all that you've seen and i'm pretty sure you did not find a chick worthwile out there to phodofy time on. better luck next time.

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  2. Thank you.Anyway, never will I ever log on to the site ever again! :P

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  3. I love learning about different people and their cultures, so well i tried this once or twice and i ended up knowing not about culture but somewhat similar to what u mentioned :| not good at all :X
    So that was the end of that. But theres this site called "couchsurfing.org"
    Very decent place. I dont have a account there, but both my sisters do. I dont think its appropriate for me now. Neways So yeah they read ur profile depending on the place in the country your living in, talk to you via mail, and once they get to the country you lodge them @ ur place or show them around if u want, or just join em for coffee :)
    You can just tell the decent from the perverts :P But so far they've met really nice people.
    But yeah thats a better site than this for sure.

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  4. when we were thirteen , fourteen ...we were highly into ch@tting in y@hoo rooms with web c@ms :P

    keep writing ..would love to re@d more ...

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  5. OMG you started young didn't you? :P
    Well thank you, and yes I will keep writing.

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  6. seriously man, you have some issues. seems like you're fed up of everything in the world.
    take a vacation.. maybe you'll change your thinking or else you'll have another topic to write up about.. :)
    its your benefit anyways..

    ps: this one was as hilarious as the others.. :D

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  7. Hehe thank you.

    P.S.~Yes, i'm pissed off lately :D

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  8. haha... awesome starting of the post dude...

    "this one too was a result of the Fucking-bored-out-of-my-hairy-ass syndrome that i’m suffering with ever since I took up engineering."
    y every normal engineer have the same story...

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